She's JV to your varsity
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
