Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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