She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
