My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
