I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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