Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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