i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
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She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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