i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
