Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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