Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
