i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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