I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Randomize
