He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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