I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
