Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My life is pants optional.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
