u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
