Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
