Your dad touched me again.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
