I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize