Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
