explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
