Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
