you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
He may not be good for my soul but heβs great for my vagina!
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