Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
