I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
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Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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