I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
