how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
