I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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