I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
