i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
