So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
