A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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