She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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