My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
