last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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