dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
