There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
