I wish I only lived at night.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
