You can't motorboat a personality
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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