She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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