Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
