Where is the hickey?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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