I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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