I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
