Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
There was a lot of him and a little penis
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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