I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
