so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
