Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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