If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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