I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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