No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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