She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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