I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
