Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
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