Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize