did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
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She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
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Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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