You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
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Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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