Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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