I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My life is pants optional.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
