shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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