i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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