i jhust puked up my retainher.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
