Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
