yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
