I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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