The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
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I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
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I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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