i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
