sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
