Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
