So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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