Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
