Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
