i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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